The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
