she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
