She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
