I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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