i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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