The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
