Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
