I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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