got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
