jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
