I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
