Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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