I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
