she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
