I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
