I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
