ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
