Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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