Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
