i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
They took my balls.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
