Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
