I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
