His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
zippers are such a cool invention
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I am available for nakedness
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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