There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
People in love make me want to vomit
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Welp...herpes.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
