Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
