i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
