Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
