I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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