Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
