Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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