You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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