You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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