his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
