So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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