I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
