so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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