but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
