i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
