So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
