the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
