Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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