You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
