I just made out with a guy for $7.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
