Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
