the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Hippo gnu deer
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
