I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
