you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
