Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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