You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
