i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
