I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
someone owes me an orgasm
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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