he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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