She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
