i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
