ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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