I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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