He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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